Hundreds of years ago, Boudica stood on the ground that is now Kings Cross, possibly bare breasted, and stab-killed a whole fuck ton of Roman soldiers. A bunch of history stuff happened in between, but by the 1980’s Kings Cross was synonymous with a different kind of bare breasted endeavor.

While planning for the fourth day of Christmas I knew that the only chance I had to get away from all the fowl business of gifts six and seven was to jump head long into prostitution. Only for writing purposes of course. I’m far too old for such a physical career these days.

Caravan, Kings Cross, light fitting interior

So, onwards to trendy, cool-guy filled Kings Cross to look for four calling birds. Or four call girls. But alas, no call girls in sight these days. Just a lot of young women in high-waisted mum jeans that are cropped two inches short with chunky shoes and round John Lennon glasses.

We made plans to meet visiting family at Caravan which is housed in a Victorian granary warehouse beside the canal. The regeneration of the area is something to behold and in spite of all my mocking, it looks fantastic.

Caravan is one of three branches, which I am told were started by New Zealanders. That would be why we encountered great coffee and excellent customer service even though it was a very busy weekend morning.

There is a whole lot to love about the design of Caravan and thankfully, that look followed through to the bathrooms. During our lunch I attempted to explained to my sweet but unwavering young cousin that I felt the quality and care which a business expends on their toilets, shows how well they care for their customer. That the toilet/bathroom is a reflection of the quality and repute of the enterprise. She was unyielding and told me I was ‘crazy’. Bless.

Caravan, Kings Cross, interior toilet door

I know it is all the rage at the moment, but I still love old fashioned industrial style. Brass taps and large heavy ceramic Belfast sinks just make my historical little heart warm.

Caravan Kings Cross, interior door signage

Caravan Kings Cross, interior sink and taps

There was one set of toilets which overall count as unisex, but of the four toilets, two were labelled M and two F. Though there was no difference between the stalls on the inside, it was fascinating to watch the social politics one gender refusing to use a bathroom earmarked for the opposite. Gender politics at such a base, human level fascinate me. I would love to sit and watch people getting all twitchy and uncomfortable as they wait but still refusing to use the “wrong” toilet.

Caravan Kings Cross, interior light fitting

Caravan Kings Cross, interior toilet lock

Rating

Cleanliness : 9/10 It was a busy day but they staff at Caravan had kept the toilets very clean and tidy. They didn’t smell or retain any grossness from previous days, weeks, months etc.

Interior : 9/10 There was a line at times, but I felt there were enough stalls in total to use if you were in a hurry and were willing to use a toilet branded for different genitalia than your own (*shock*). The hand soap was Aesop which is lovely and fancy. The little quotes atop the dispensers were an added touch of personality, perhaps a treat for the overly observant.

Caravan Kings Cross, interior soap quotes

Exterior : 8/10 It was busy and bustling but we were taken to a table within about 10 minutes. The food was nice even if it was a hip person/healthy version of normal NZ brunch food. My corn bread with succotash and eggs was lovely and spicy. The staff were polite, quick and attentive without badgering you or getting too in your face and American about it (no one tried to sit down with us to take our order).

Safety : 7/10 The area is almost totally regenerated, part due to people caring about their neighbourhood and part due to the cost of land in the city bumping up the prices for everything in sight. The only fear I had was of a possible sick burn from a young hip person at my old square clothing.

Snugglitude : 8/10 The design was enough for be to be happy but the good hand wash and great service made me feel very at home and comfortable.

Total : 41/50

Looking for calling girls at Caravan in Kings Cross

When you're looking for 3 French Hens but end up with Faulty Towers. Toulouse La Trec Cafe, Kennington